that gravitational pull,

rolling in the whelming flood,

that feeling when the water pulls away at the sands around your feet,

the salt and the peace and the weight,

so inescapable.

and there’s always a place for me in its power.

I’m always home,

I always belong

and it always weathers me.

the green, glassy sunlight,

those white-tipped whispers,

that ever-changing, always whole

beast and dancer,

it’s carved itself into me.

you’ll never notice -

but I’ve engraved myself in it, too.

it comes in gusts:

hatred, hope, forgiveness.

you are dead,

dead.

dead to me now.

you can be who you want,

do what you feel,

if anything.

no, my influence wasn’t an illusion.

but it’s all over now.

here’s to you, and the dreams I left behind:

once I said we were like puzzle pieces

but not meant to go together - just rest side by side.

I didn’t listen to myself.

well.

I have now, and it was about time.

goodbye,

goodbye,

goodbye.

I’m still in love with the thought of you.

reality’s hard pressed to keep up.

mmmmm, sorry, this is pretty ugly. I just…yeah…well, you’ll see:

you took everything from me,

and you’re not cold hearted,

but you are silent.

and that’s just as bad

because it’s like you don’t care, and you never did.

I don’t know anything about you.

I hate that I wasted my time with you,

I hate that I cared

I hate that I sacrificed

I hate that I wrote you poetry

I hate that I prayed for you

I hate that I spent any amount of time on you.

Unresponsive.

You are a brick wall,

and I can’t go through,

and I can’t turn back.

Fuck you.

dear everything I hope and love,

come back to me please.

I am tired of feeling empty

I am tired of feeling desperate

I am tired of being dissatisfied.

sincerely,

the strangest, most awkward person I know.

you are slowly slipping out of the quality of life;

it’s no duller,

nor more brilliant without you.

the fact that there is still a quality of life,

that I am still here -

that is what’s impressive.

and the weather has influenced my heart.

the snow makes everything beautiful,

even our history.

all the time:

I want to live,

but I want what kills me.

to love someone is to build a city,

and the bricks are time and the mortar is blood.

to break up with someone is to demolish that city,

but you can’t take back your tears, your sweat and your blood.

you may only watch them go up in flames.